What I want to talk about is the type of behaviour that seems to be tolerated even though it’s not really acceptable for most people. There are individuals I have worked with across the years who I am told ‘just have their way’; often people in key roles who have become critical and ‘irreplaceable’. These people may well have had their poor behaviours raised with them but without much real positive change seen by those impacted.
It's the person who thinks it’s ok to publicly embarrass people. It’s the undertone of superiority or subtle misogyny. It’s the simple bad manners and disrespect. It’s that moment in a meeting when you all wince at the way someone is being called out. It's the use of specific words or tone to intimidate to make a point.
Examples I’ve witnessed include:
I suspect you, my reader, can also call out examples.
So why do we condone poor behaviour of some in the office? Why do we say ‘I know it’s unacceptable and I’ve spoken to them and I’m monitoring it’ but there is no apparent change to their behaviour to colleagues? Are we hostage to these behaviours for the greater good? Is that ok? Where is the line?
As I noted initially, we will all have our moments and we should be forgiven (on the whole) these moments. And, of course, we should check out the potential drivers for this behaviour, there may well be an underlying cause which requires real attention and support. When, however, the behaviour is consistent, repeated, sustained over a period of time and a ‘reputation’ in place I think we’ve probably gone over the line. Sometimes I think that these are just plain bad behaviours. And we let them happen. And we say it’s not ok but still let them happen. And to others, seeing these bad behaviours apparently condoned, this is not good for morale or a healthy culture.
And what might be indicators that we are ‘allowing’ bad behaviours?
So how do we ‘fix’ this? There are some really great models and techniques for managing feedback to people and addressing these behaviours in an appropriate way. The dilemma is how do we practically, consistently and fairly ensure that people are all treated in the same way? How do we make sure we forgive the ‘moments’ but stand firm on sustained disrespectful behaviour. How do we keep our key people engaged and delivering without compromising the whole integrity of the organisation’s culture?
If people don’t want to align with the organisation's way of working and corrupt evolving values, we should be asking if they really are an irreplaceable asset.
We shouldn’t be giving power to the bullies.
Footnote: When I first wrote this article, it was just before the Priti Patel bullying review was shared with the public. A strange coincidence but what an example.